Here’s a great concept beer. Smoked with vampire killing stakes (although its unknown if the stakes were ever used to kill vampires, or if the stakes came from an unused stash of stakes that some vampire apocalypse prepper had set aside for beer brewing purposes). This is a great example of how lack of smokepower smell and taste doesn’t necessarily hurt the Overall Happiness factor handed down by The Ministry. High concept, dark beer, some element of wit, and a stouty and flavorful delivery can work together to make up for any missing wafts of campfire smell and missing peaty or charcoal tastes. Someone who doesn’t know smokebeers wouldn’t soon wise up to the fact that they had been fed a smokebeer, and it wouldn’t matter anyway, at 10% abv, they would be too busy partying to care. Ministry tasting quotes: “Tasty,” “Good”, “I want more”, “Maybe needs faucet”, and “We must have a cheap TV” Please ask Ted for quote interpretation. Overall happiness factor: 6 Smokestacks.
| Brewer | Clown Shoes |
| Beer Name | Vampire Slayer Imperial American Stout |
| Brewer’s Description | In a world full of uncertainty, hardships, and people trying to hold us back, do we need vampires? Clown Shoes says, “No! Die, monsters, die!” Incorporating dark malts, holy water, and malt smoked locally with hickory, ash, and vampire killing stakes. |
| Food Pairings | Blood sausage (unconfirmed) |
| Brewer Location | Ipswich, MA |
| Alcohol content by volume | 10.0% |
| IBU (International Bitterness Units) | 89 |
| Beer opacity rate 1 – 7 (light – dark) | 7 |
| Smell smoke? 1 – 7 (No – George Burns) | 1 |
| Sausage detection? Y or N | No |
| Smokepower taste: 1 – 7 Smokestacks | 2 |
| Overall Happiness Rating: 1-7 (low – high) | 6 |
Looks like they got into some hot water (unholy water) with the name here. Read about their lawsuit at:
https://www.clownshoesbeer.com/?s=vampire
And then there’s the home page, which will probably stick around for a good while:
SmokeBeerMinistry 